Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
