oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
