batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
