apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
