She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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