So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
