Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
