We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I forget how to act sober
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize