$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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