I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Randomize
