if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
