just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
