Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Is it penis luge time yet?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
