Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
