where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
