I just made out with a guy for $7.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
