Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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