You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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