I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
