My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
