I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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