she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
