At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
