You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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