things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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