omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
