At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
How's work?
Spinning.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
