I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
