Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
