Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
