forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
