Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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