Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
