Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My pussy is not your playground.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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