He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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