Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
