i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
FUCK WHALES
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
