you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
