I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
