i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
