so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
