Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
