I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
