Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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