tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
