He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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