Umm I'm too high to move.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
