You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize