K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
