Whod you bang
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
