Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
