ya dads aren't the best wingmen
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
