Farmville is her only friend.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
