i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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