I bet he comes in French.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize