bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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