i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Bring me that man meat
he just fucked me for my cheese..
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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