I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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