to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
try to milk me bitch
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
