Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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