Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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