it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
