Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
