9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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