Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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