My boss' voice literally gives me gas
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
