Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
