I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
