my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize