College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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