Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
