Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
