I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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