I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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