Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize