i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
