I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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