we have pet lesbian snakes
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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