so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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