Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
