Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
