eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
